~WeLcoMe To My LIfE~

saatku merasa kau yg paling terindah dalam hidupku
secerah langit di angkasa
kau terangi hari-hariku yg gelap

kupikir kaulah segalanya yg terbaik yg pernah kucinta
namun apa hendak di kata
untuk kini aku terpaksa memilih

dan aku harus jujur padamu
sementara dirimu dustai aku

pergilah dariku bila itu bisa
puaskan hatimu kasih biarlah
mungkin diri ini selalu jauh dari cinta

seiring waktu berjalan kutemukan sebuah arti hidup
mungkin ini satu pertanda
bahwa diriku memang harus memilih

Kiss me out of the bearded barley.
Lightly, beside the green, green grass.
Swing, swing, swing the spinning step.
You wear those shoes and I will wear that dress.

CHORUS
Oh, kiss me beneath the milky twilight.
Lead me out on the moonlit floor.
Lift your open hand.
Strike up the band and make the fireflies dance,
silver moon’s sparkling.
So kiss me.

Kiss me down by the broken tree house.
Swing me high upon its hanging tire.
Bring, bring, bring your flowered hat.
We’ll take the trail marked on your father’s map.

I’m in sitting in the student common room in my GP. It’s my first day today, and I came all the way from Leeds for a quick 1 hour induction, and left with nothing to do until 3pm. 3pm!!! So, I’ve got like 6 hours of time. Okay.. maybe I should study.. but what the heck. I really should’ve brought my book (am reading The Time Traveller’s wife at the moment and also rereading Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire), to keep me busy. Luckily I did dumped my Psychiatry textbook in the bag, so I can probably make some notes later. Then maybe me and Wada can discuss that over the weekend. (We tried discussing Depression last weekend, but the textbook I’ve got was crap, so we ended up feeling depressed, hence we gave up before it gets worse..hehe). So note to self - bring story book tomorrow, and maybe one of the textbook.

On the brighter side (see - this is what I learnt in 2 days of Psychiatry - always look on the positive side ;p), Joan (my coordinator) logged me in to the computer (since I haven’t got my login details yet), and better still I can access Friendster!! Hoorayyy (they blocked Friendster in BRI). So here I am, after writing a couple of emails to Mala and my beloved, and reading Mala’s and Suraya blogs (I asked Suraya for the apple pie recipe that she’s been talking about in her blog.. nanti bleh buat, yeay!!), I decided to update my neglected 1-year-old ;).

Hmm.. what else? Tetiba macam tade idea pulak nak tulis apa. Oh yeah, I’ve got a Malaysian Psychiatry consultant, and she’s so sweet. Her name’s Dr Chua, and I was reminded of my beloved English teacher Mr Chua when I was in primary school. He’s the only person who pronounce my name Khad-hi-jah (giler ikut spelling sebijik2) instead of the normal Kha-dhi-jah that people call me (well they call me Siti here, but that’s besides the point). And he’s sweet as well. Always asked my mom when I’m gonna be back in Malaysia everytime he meet her (not that he sees her often - now that he’s retired and all). He even paid me a visit before I flied and I saw him once again when he came to Abang’s wedding. He sees Abang quite often though as they play snooker at the same place (but he asked Abang to call him Uncle, sbb dia kata orang kat situ tak tau dia cikgu..hihihi sangat comel!!). (alamak rindu laa pulak :p)

Hmm.. I think enough rambling for today. Maybe I should go and have my lunch now and ask Joan if there is any place I can pray. The toilet’s a bit awkward though since I can’t lock the whole toilet. Bleh lock jamban jer.. tempat sink tu tak bleh. So, kena careful laa sikit while taking wudhu’ in case someone come in. Oh well, but I’ll manage, I think. Or, I can just use this room, although it’ll be a bit awkward with all the English 3rd years. Oh well.

thehealthinspector: Good Luck to Yat, Alia and Fatemah who’s got their final exam today. Hope you’ll guys pass with flying colours, InsyaAllah. I know you can do it

Last week was the most torturous week in the whole four years of medicine. I’m just starting my PPP (read - Primary Care, Psychiatry and Public Health) placement, so last week was just introduction week with lectures and group works - or as one of my colleagues put it ‘the Cycle of Death’. Yes, it is indeed, the cycle of death. The day began with a few lectures, a video, then continue to small group work. Lunch break, more lectures, video, group work and the day ended with a pointless 15 mins lecture (because everyone were so keen to go home before 430pm - nobody listened). And so the routine go on for the whole bloody week. Not to mention a file of paperworks full with an umptieth forms to be filled in.

What I don’t understand the most was the lecture at the end of the day. Why can’t they just scheduled all lectures together so we can go home after the groupwork is beyond my logical thinking. It’s just so pointless, one because everyone is already tired, two is because no one is listening, and three, it lasted only 15 minutes anyway, because nobody is paying any attention. Hadia said it’s all positive reinforcements, so that we remember what we learnt in the small group sessions. Yeah, right, as if I heard anything. The words went through me like bullets, not even stopping anywhere to say hi to my tiny little brain cells.

Friday was the worst. Okay I got the morning off as my SSC tutor can’t meet us for our first meeting. The afternoon lecture, was so unnecessary. They’ve reminded us for what seems like a hundreth time that week on what we should be doing in our placement. I mean, we’ve got the whole file to read (which I haven’t by the way - might took me the whole placement just to read all the materials, as Sharmini kindly pointed out), and we’re not a bunch of 5-year old who need to be reminded over and over again on what we should be doing.

Well to be fair, there were a few good lectures (especially those by the ‘fit’ Rob - he’s a very good lecturer, and the fact that he’s kacak did help a lot :p). But some of the lectures were just boring and simply unnecessary. Oh well, at least the week’s over now, and we got a break this week before starting our placement. I’m really and I mean ‘really’ looking forward for the next cycle of death in four weeks time. Hahh!! 

We had Maulidur-Rasul celebration last Saturday. It was a late notice, so we didn’t bring anything for the pot-luck, cuma membawa perut sahaja..heheh. Me and Wada were supposed to continue with our study group after the majlis, but we were too full hence sleepy, so we didn’t. Yat and Alia then said that Afif want to come and visit. The girls came over then, had their late lunch of leftover mee and curry that we took from the Majlis, then Afif came. So the afternoon was spent laughing our hearts out, taking the piss out of each other while eating the chocolates that Afif bought for us from US and drinking ribena. Sangat best. I heven’t seen Yat and Alia for quite a while, since they are busy preparing for their finals - it felt so good to see them. :)) Of course, I haven’t seen Afif for almost two years, so macam best. (just in case he’s reading this..hehehe :p)

Yesterday was very productive, as we did some work (w/pun rasa macam nak muntah-muntah dah towards the end), tapi rasa high. hehehe. And I’ve done absolutely nothing today, apart from sleeping and rereading one of my favourite storybooks. As for now, I think I’m gonna continue my laziness, and watch yesterday’s Invasion that I’ve missed.

Till then, adios!!

thehealthinspector: yes my dear M, I can’t help the medical terms :p

Adalah sangat malas since balik dari Aberdeen, and now believe it or not, it’s the end of my 2-weeks break already. We gonna start school next Monday, nasib baik laa it’s only lectures, here in Leeds, then we got another week off for Easter (or so we think - unless they put that week as SSC week). And then, yada-yada back to Bradford. Aiyakkk.. I’m soooo tired of being away from home. It’s GP and Psychiatry placement now, but I’m thinking of commuting - no reason to stay in BRI (bradford Royal Infirmary), as the GP is nowhere near the Infirmary. And for Psychs, I’ll just come for teaching and spend some time in the ward, as necessary. Otherwise, I’ll stay at home and revise.

Was talking to Kamarul the other day, and I have to agree with him, we’ve spent and am going to spend 9/10 of my fourth year outside Leeds. The only time when I was in Leeds was while doing my Infectious Disease and HIV teaching (itu pun sbb semua org dekat Leeds) and a week of Anaesthetics (same reason -semua orang kena buat a week in Leeds and a week outside). It’s soo bloody unfair. They keep sending the same people away. Once they sent you away for your first placement, that’s it, you’re gonna be away till the end of the year. Oh well, at least I’ve got good teaching in Bradford for my Peads and Obs & Gynae, hopefully they have good teaching for Psyc and GP as well..aminnn. Tapi macam bosan lah. Asyik pergi balik. I’ve got two places to keep, and the travel expense is killing me.. well, at least it’s killing my bloody bank account. I’ve been living in debt for quite a while now, and no matter what I do, it’s just not enough. Ikat perut? all the time.. stop shopping?? I haven’t bought anything other than necessities for months - and I mean necessities - food, toiletteries and the likes. No new clothes, no nothing. Even last weekend was a must, if I were to keep my sanity.

Was reading Mala’s entry on trust and respect, and I couldn’t agree with her more. It’s one thing when you betray someone’s trust..you suffer the consequences, but it’s your fault.. so sendiri mau ingat laa kan. But it’s another when someone do that to you. It’s bloody hurt, man!! macam isk… susah nya nak lupa, although you try hard to forget. Forgive and forget?? nayyyy… forgive maybe, but forget?? It’s gonna take a looooooongg time. Maybe some people say if you not forget, then you’re not forgiving. Ye ke? For me it’s 2 different things altogether. It’s easier to forgive, than to forget. Sometimes the cut is too deep, even the smallest thing can make it bleeds again. And that time, you’ll remember the past.. Mengungkit? Maybe.. you shouldn’t.. but heyy, you learn from the past, right?? hehhh

Ok.. enough rambling. With my current state of mind, I can go on and on without stopping. So, better do it now while I can.

thehealthinspector: I can’t chill, I’m a flame!!!