~WeLcoMe To My LIfE~

Suddenly I feel like I don’t belong here. Not that I’ve ever felt any sense of belonging towards this country, but yesterday the feeling was so intense. It was overpowering. And somehow the journey seems so much longer… further than it’s suppose to be..

I’ve survived these few years..I don’t know how or why, but I’m glad I did. Glad I came this far..but yet, at the same time.. I feel like I can’t continue.. I’m so scared.. the fear of uncertainties.. it’s like endless..

I know I have to be strong.. I can’t stop.. (not that I want to stop)..but sometimes I feel like it’s too much..and I just feel so helpless.. I don’t know how I’m going to continue this route I’ve taken..but I know I have to..and I know I will, insyaAllah..

I just hope He’ll give me enough strength and confidence to make this journey bearable.. give me enough faith to believe in what I’m doing, to believe in myself, to believe in Him.. to be able to feel the beauty of tawakal and redha..

a text from my brother:

"Jika ketenangan yang dicari, Allah akan terus uji hati kita, hingga pada satu masa, kita akan rasa indahnya tawakal padanya..dan itulah ketenangan dalam jagaanNya"

I hope I’ll be able to grow up in this little space of time that I’ve got left.. before I actually go out there and face the world..

thehealthinspector: there’s no thrill in easy sailing when the skies are clear and blue..theres’ no joy in merely doing things which anyone can do..but there’s some satisfaction, that’s mighty sweet to take..when you reach a destination, you thought you’d never made! - who said life is easy??

Dunno whether it’s true story or not.. but it’s a good one, I tell u

Scene took place on a BA flight between Johannesburg and London. A
white woman, about 50 years old, was seated next to a black man.

Obviously disturbed by this, she called the air Hostess. "Madam, what is the matter," the hostess asked." You obviously do not see it then?" she responded. "You placed me next to a black man. I do not agree to sit next to someone from such a repugnant group. Give me an alternative seat."

"Be calm please," the hostess replied. "Almost all the places
on this flight are taken. I will go to see if another place is
available."
The Hostess went away and then came back a few minutes later. "Madam, just as I thought, there are no other available seats in the economy class. I spoke to the  captain and he informed me that there is also no seat in the business class. All the same, we still have one place in the first class."

Before the woman could say anything, the hostess continued: "It is not usual for our company to permit someone from the economy class to sit in the first class.
However, given the circumstances, the captain feels that it would be scandalous to make someone sit next to someone so disgusting."
She turned to the black guy, and said, "Therefore, Sir, if you would like to,
please collect your hand luggage, a seat awaits you in first class."
At that moment, the other passengers who were shocked by what they had just witnessed stood up and applauded.

thehealthinspector: in His eyes.. we’re all the same

Hari yang produktif.. berjaya tgk ankle surgery hari ni..so esok petang bleh gi jumpa patient tu and amik history..another case for my SSC..heheh giler lambat buat keja.. tak tulis apa2 pun lagi. case study pon macam tak cukup ajer.. Got 2 patients so far, + this one cukup2 tiga.. kalau ada patient lain kat ward tu, bleh lah tambah lagik satu.. I know I should’ve done this last month - while doing my dermatology placement, sbb sgt free. Next nak start anaesthetics, which I think will be really really hectic. Not to mention, kna ada case study jugak. Tetapi, sebagai seorang Ija..sampai skrg tak berjaya lagi mengikis sikap suka bertangguh-tangguh (w/pun ada laa improvement sket tang stadi kot?? hehhe :p - sket je laa tapi ;p)

Oh yer..and tomorow gotta go and see my follow-up case study. Hopefully pakcik tu ada lagi laa.. kalu tak, cam susah jugak.. hari tu amik history macam tak lengkap ajer.. Kalau tak, kna laa guna apa2 info yang ada.. Rasa mcm ada byk benda yg tak tanya.. Macam a bit disjointed jer history tu. hmmm…

Pastu tadi, observed anaesthetics jugak.. di bagi laa buat jaw thrust + chin lifting tu.. giler susah.. Rasa laa macam tade tenaga je nak lift jaw tu. nampak cam senang jer Dr tu buat.. pakai satu tangan jer.. aku pakai dua tangan pun, tak cukup nak pegang.. Nak pegang mask lagi, chin lifting lagi..jenuh!! Kira-kira anaesthetics ni ada laa possibility utk tidak didalami, kot?? (Banyaknya benda yang aku tak moh buat..apa laa yg aku nak buat, ek??)

Alamak, patut pegi post opis, tapi mesti dah tutup dah post opis.. esok laa saya hantar cashback claim awak tu yer, cik fauzi..Nasib  baik laa pos opis tu kat belakang accommodation jer..kalau tak, jenuh nak kena beratur kat town Leeds nun. Nanti saya pos skali surat termination awak tu..

Nak makan apa ek bukak posa ni?? Anyone nak tolong belikan cendol + ikan bakar + KFC?? rindunya nak pegi pasar ramadan…

My last week in Airedale.. Yippie!!! heheh, to be honest, I know I’m going to miss Airedale. Maybe it’s a bit too quiet but, I was able to do my work better. W/pun the room tend to get really cold sometimes.. but, oh well, U can’t get everything in life, can you?

Fatemah and Nasreen are sitting on my  bed. Fatemah’s trying to write a thank you card to her supervisor.. how thoughtful, ey? Tetapi Ija macam nak tidur.. Esok kena bgn awal.. *sigh*

Oh yer, yesterday eve we had iftari with the M’sian People in Leeds. Sooo many people..aiyoo, I just felt a bit.. I don’t know.. I hardly know anyone anymore. I mean, it’s good that we have quite a number of M’sian in Leeds, but I don’t know.. too many people and it wasn’t as fun as before.. hehehe no offense guys.. it’s just how I felt. Macam dulu, we know most people, sekarang mcm hmmm.. susahnya nak ingat nama2 orang..

Anyway, the food was great. Me and Farid (oh not to mention Jepa) made some popia.. yang disukai ramai (muahahaha masuk bakul angkat sendrik) padahalnya, sbb buat sikit..so, cepat ler abes. heheh. Then, we did terawih.. missnya terawih berjemaah..

Okie, I’m going to bed.. Have to wake up early tomorrow. Nitey nite!!

Gerbangmu terbuka mencabarku
Melangkah menurut rasa rindu
Biarpun nanti
antara kita ada yang mungkin terkorban
Biarpun nanti
kita terhukum kerana melanggar kebiasaan

(*)
Cinta tak pandang tak kira siapa
Ia kan mencuba
Selagi mana pencinta terdaya menahannya
Dia kan dicuba

[chorus]
Sebelum gugur tercalar jiwa parah
Jangan kau gugurkan air mata
Sebelum putus tali Tuhan Yang Esa
Jangan kau berputus asa

Nadamu menangis menggugatku
Dekati dirimu yang ku rindu
Biarpun nanti
antara kita ada yang mungkin menyesal
Biarpun nanti
kita terpaksa membayar harga yang tak setimpal

*
[chorus 2x]

Jangan kau berputus asa
Jangan kau berputus asa

Hmm.. Ramadhan datang lagi.. rasanya macam baru je puasa tahun lepas.. baru je sambut raya, dah nak puasa lagi sekali.. How time flies..

So, Selamat Menyambut bulan Ramadhan and Selamat Berpuasa lah..Teringat nasyid bulan puasa zaman sekolah dulu

Bulan Ramadhan bulan yang mulia
bulan rahmat dah bulan utama
pahala digandakan, doa diterima
bulan Lailatul-Qadar yang istimewa..

Isilah bulan ini banyakkan amalan
beribadat malam siang berpuasa..
banyakkanlah sedekah, jangan dikira
kerna ia kan menjadi penghapus dosa
membaca al-Quran jangan dilupakan
zikir dan tasbih elok disertakan
Meriahkan Ramadhan, dengan pelbagai cara..
Kerna kita mati…bila-bila masa….

Tak ingat dah sambungan dia.. rasanya abis dah kot lagu ni.. anyway,to all my friends out there, and whoever lah yang membaca blog ni, semoga dengan kehadiran Ramadhan ni, membuka era baru dalam hidup kita..aminnn..

Short conversation with my Orthopod Consultant. He was telling us about NHS. Since ada this one particular patient ni, he’s like really rich laa (even the consultant tak mampu nak beli rumah dkat area yg the patient tu duduk, ok). And he’s like privately insured lah kan. Tapi, dia mcm dpt treatment under NHS. Then, after he finished the treatment, he told the Doctors yg dia ni privately insured, so ask the doctors to sign some papers so that he can claim £1000 from the insurance Company. Padahalnya, kalau Dr tahu yang dia privately insured, he should be put under private treatment, and the insurance co. will need to pay the NHS £10,000 or something, depending on the treatment. Aku pun tak paham sangatlah how the system work. tapi sangat lah jahatnya.. I mean, the cost of his treatment yang NHS tanggung, sepatutnya boleh bagi kat someone needy. Then, he sort of kacau the waiting list jugak lah kan. And there’s no way to stop these kind of people from doing that. Even the doctors can’t really do anything lah. My consultant ni cakap lah 3 tahun lepas dia hantar 3-page letter to the PM, about this thing..but nothing change.

But come to think of it, this kind of things sort of happens everywhere. People tend to take advantage on the system, and the more powerful they’re, the more likely they’ll be able to manipulate the system to satisfy their own need. Maybe itu memang fitrah manusia kot..sbb ada akal dan fikiran, so cari jalan utk capai kesenangan diri.. Cuma jalan nak mencapai kesenangan diri tu je lah, betul ke tidaknya. Mcm ni, impactnya, kat orang lainlah kan..

Oh yer.. apparently, kalau kita duduk dekat Council House (rumah yg Gov buat) kalau jatuh tangga ke, bleh sue diorg, cakap tangga tak betul ke..heh. Rasa macam.. senangnya lah orang-orang kat sini nak dapat duit. *hmmm*

Well, inilah kot untungnya jadi negara maju.. kalau ada duit, dan dapat lawyer pandai putar belit, senang-senang je sue orang sini-sana. heh.

thehealthinspector: my back’s hurting